Today I had a blueberry smoothie for breakfast. It was like trying to drink semi-sweet muffin batter. And as I semi-gagged upon the first drink, I looked skeptically at the bottle. Having never had this kind before and vowing never having had it again, I checked the brand. The bottle very boldly proclaimed “Live!” and I thought to myself that drinking this was the exact opposite of living with an exclamation point. It was more in line with living with a question mark. As in “drink this and live?” Then I read the fine print and read “smoothie with live cultures” and I wondered if maybe the drink name was supposed to be read as “live” (rhymes with jive), as in “this drink is infested with alive bacteria ready to assault your tastebuds the moment you open the bottle.”

My conclusions from the whole experience were as follows:
~The drink name was either completely inaccurate or completely disturbing, but either way it’s interpreted, the smoothie is gross.
~This drink falls squarely into the “not worth the calories” category.
~Chugging this sucker could be a good candidate for a Fear Factor-esque competition in the workplace.
~Today is a good day to go buy a bagel.