I have 3 classes, 2 finals, and 1 paper until I’m finished with college. It’s kind of like the 12 days of Christmas, only the rewards of getting to the end of college are way cooler than partridges. (Honestly, no one even knows what a partridge is, other than an obscure bird or a family of semi-obnoxious singers.) While being done with college marks the end of an era that I am sad to leave (as demonstrated during my post of mourning), I am also very excited to have successfully finished.

As I look back over my past 4 years, I realize that I have acquired a lot of knowledge. Yes, a lot of time has been spent in the classroom and library studying, but I have discovered that college holds as many lessons outside the classroom as it does inside. So here is a small selection of things my time at CU has taught me.

Things I Have Learned In College

Time spent with friends always means more than time spent studying.

Most things can be “learned” in the week before the test.

Rarely is it pleasant to wake up with any kind of -eeto/-ito breath. If you have a late night craving for fake cheese, brush.

You can successfully give out the fake number 867-5309 by adding an area code and saying “zero” instead of “o.”

Waiting until the semester is 1/4 of the way over before buying the book is a good way to get 50% on your first quiz.

A Dr. Jekyll professor on day one does not guarantee the absence of Mr. Hyde the rest of the semester.

Seeing school theatre productions may involve people in loincloths. Prepare yourself.

There is no such thing as a “cool” engineering center employee…damn.

Crossword puzzle ability is much more impressive than financial portfolio analysis ability.

Salsa goes with everything.

Squishy bruised apples and a tennis racket make for quality entertainment.

There are few things in life as enjoyable as a crisp fall day at a college football game.

Metal grates on the sidewalk have the ability to develop ice overnight and create splendidly disastrous wipeouts the next morning.

There is a special place in the hearts of many apartment dwellers for those who neglect to password protect their wireless internet.

Not having class on Friday very rarely produces productive days on Friday. However, it often produces entertaining nights on Thursday.

Being caffeinated is not equivalent to being motivated.

No amount of monetary savings makes 1-ply toilet paper worth it.

The decision to read textbooks in bed never results in more than 15 minutes of reading. The ability to continually convince oneself that “it will work this time” is one of the greatest mysteries in life.

Always spell check. Even in Excel.

The key to studying is understanding when you have your most productive hours.

The key to having your most productive hours in the morning is to not sleep through them.

“World Cuisine” night in the dorms is a good night to order pizza.

Management classes suck.

When the insomniac in the apartment below you buys a speedbag, don’t expect your life to be the same.

Earphones are crucial to ignoring the people handing out environmental fliers.

Don’t keep chocolate that you don’t want to share in the kitchen.

Study abroad.

Having friends in sororities is like having friends who will share their personal chef.

Never re-read a paper after you’ve turned it in, unless you want to be frustrated by mistakes you can’t fix.

Even as an adult, there will continue to be people who don’t wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.

A group project will always have at least one kid that doesn’t pull their weight. And occasionally, group projects will have one kid that shows up plastered for the day of the final project. (the latter phenomenon may be less evident at schools that did not spend time atop the “#1 Party School in America” list…)

By the nature of Murphy and his damned law, all 8:00 classes will be in the farthest possible building on campus from where you live.

Campus parking meters still apply on weekends.

Dishwashers are in fact appliances that are subject to electrical fire.

The boiled noodle hierarchy: Spaghetti > Mac & Cheese > Ramen.

Advil fixes everything.

You can determine the quality of the professor in the class before yours by the amount of newspapers left behind by previous students.

It is indeed possible to go through an entire year without changing the vacuum bag.

Never assume that your roommate is in charge of getting a bill sent in.

When people offer free food from 12-2, get there closer to 12 than 2.

Not liking to wear shoes does not make it is a good idea to wear flipflops year round in Colorado. However, any day above 50 is permissible.

College goes quickly. Enjoy it while it lasts.