6 (66) reasons why it categorically sucks to share a bathroom

with your 10 year old brother

1. Aiming issues. Have you ever seen Gung Hu with Michael Keaton? He has a line that goes something along lines of, “Come to the game. We get drunk and then pee for distance.” The boss responds, “Uh, we pee for accuracy.” Man, I wish brothers were more like bosses.
2. Toilet seat mechanics. Now, the problem here is not leaving the seat up. I’m not one to get upset about that, because if boys can be expected to lift the seat then I should also be expected to be able to move it back into position. The issue is the non-movement of the seat in conjunction with problems concerning the above mentioned #1.
3. Toilet paper positioning. Everyone sane knows that toilet paper should come out over the top, not from underneath. It throws off my groove. (I thought it would be a perfectly appropriate time to reference the Emperor’s New Groove, since ‘thrones’ are involved…)
4. Toothpaste. I cannot grasp how toothpaste seems to explode across all horizontal surfaces of the bathroom on a daily basis. I think that he must set his toothbrush on one side of the counter and the tube on the other, and then try to shoot the toothpaste across the bathroom onto the brush. That’s the only explanation…
5. Army guys surrounding the sink. As much as I appreciate the armed forces, I feel like I will be okay without their protection while I wash my hands. Especially when I get in trouble for messing them up.
6. Battleships near the bathtub. This is not too bad, because he seems to have hijacked my parent’s bathroom for all of the actual bathing processes. But the ship sits there waiting forlornly (conveniently placed to block door functionality) for him to come back. It’s a little depressing, and a lot irritating.

Sometimes, I look forward to going back to my apartment just because I know I have my own bathroom waiting for me…